Well, I don’t know if I can address you with that anymore or not. But the kaleidoscope of our memories being best friends still run fresh in my mind. The journey from an awkward handshake to singing out loud and screaming at each other in public will always make me laugh. How people used to get confused between our names as we were always stuck together and others used to call us as a lesbian couple. Inseparable weirdos they would say.
Even though I was the one who broke the pact of our friendship, I miss it the most.
You were my ‘all-time-person’ , the one who heard my story in a melodramatic way, the one I could lean on anytime, anywhere but something didn’t click after all. You were always there for me and I don’t know if telling you all this now would make even a little bit of a difference. For me, this would atleast make me feel that I did even a bit on my part to tell you your worth in my life. This is to tell you how much you still mean to me.
I remember how I dodged your calls over and over again, started keeping secrets from you when I knew there was something happening in my heart, feelings were the cause. It happened for one of our common friend and He asked me out and I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t.
I was afraid that you would judge me because We used to say if we don’t get a guy till 30 we would start live together and take over the world. The only difference in us was that you didn’t believed in concept of love and I was a hardcore romantic. I could actually never tell you that clearly because it I thought it would make me sound less “cool” . As you termed those things to be “relationshit ” I couldn’t bring myself to tell you that I believe in the idea of love.
And that’s when I started hiding things from you. I ended up hiding my relationship from you, i ended up doing everything we promised not to do. I brought this opaqueness in the transparent friendship of ours. The only regret I will always have is that I should have told you what I really felt and shouldn’t have tried to hide my emotions and opinions just to be in “cool people” . Maybe because I didn’t want to lose you but I did anyway. And this mistake costed me our friendship.
Take this letter as an apology. Apology for not turning out to be the best of best friends and to the promises I made. I owed you this.
- With a heavy heart
Best friend, maybe.