We all go through a lot, there is a phase we describe it as tough or hard times. The world takes a toll on our soft hearts, and yesterday’s trauma can become today’s depression. For the woman who has been to hell and back, finding someone capable of sharing in her tremendous love can be an even greater challenge than what sent her towards a point where she considered herself to be doomed.
Strength and patience are the order of the day for the person who is going to try to love a woman who’s been through the worst of her life. But if these qualities aren’t exemplified through your love, it’s not even worth beginning to attempt in the first place.
She’ll push you away. She’ll test you. She can be cruel and harsh, her emotions can be unpredictable — swaying like an ocean tide, before breaking into a wave that you never saw coming. It’s never her intentions to hurt people but on the contrary she has this fear inside her that takes a form of rage and comes out from her. For her every person who resembles or makes her nostalgic about her good times ultimately fall into a category of people who have hurt her before. Through all of this, you must love her anyway.
She’s been hurt before. She’s afraid that she’ll be hurt again. Explaining this to her won’t change anything — only love can do that.
Finding both commitment and aloneness difficult, the suffered woman is in a tenuous balance for most of her life. Though she’s not likely to admit to it and she will act strongly because that would show a weakness, she doesn’t want to admit, not even to herself. We should be aware of the facts that she is insecure. Sometimes, she’ll want you with her; other times, insist on your going away. Totally depends on her mood and thought process in mind.
But when she pushes you away, relax.
Notice that while floating in the ocean, no amount of struggle or fighting will break the waves; only time will do that. New experiences are difficult for her. Because she doesn’t have any frame of reference, she’s afraid her guard will be down, making her vulnerable to being hurt again. One day, she’ll be brave: Stepping into a moment of fear, you’ll see your love for her grow.
Share your love when she is scared. Make her comfortable.
She has been abandoned or ridiculed for her fears. Or worse, hurt further by people who would take advantage of those fears. She’s afraid of being herself, because she was vulnerable and harmed before.
Your love might feel inadequate to her.
Let it be. You don’t need to prove anything to her — only continue to love her, complete with her feelings of inadequacy. Maintain calm and show your love each time to prove her wrong. Believe in yourself and her condition. You got to respect her what she has gone through. Suffer along with her. But between you two, one person got to be strong to hold onto. Since, she Is weak it has to be you, no matter what.
Her love will be tenuous.
Often, she won’t be able to feel deeply what is in her own heart. It’s been cut too many times, and the scars haven’t yet healed. Her experiences with love have not been like the love you would give her. No matter what you do, she will base her all judgement of present of whatever happened with her in past.
She’s expecting you to leave. She’s expecting you to hurt her. Don’t let her conclude the sabotage of the relationship and love her anyway.
Whether she seeks to love you, or to hurt you, your love must be unwavering.
She seeks to be in control.
Sometimes, this can take the form of abuse aimed at you. Calmly walk away, and continue to love her anyway. When it’s easy, your love must be there. Doubly so when it’s harder.
You’ve chosen each other, for better or for worse.
And even when it’s looking worse, your love will carry you through.